Friday, December 31, 2010

unknown...?

For my whole life, I have always known exactly what I would do after Christmas break.  I would go back to school as a student.  Some years I was excited for the break to be over (I really do enjoy school!) and other years I wasn't so thrilled but was still eager to see all of my friends again.  But I always knew what I was doing.  It was a way of life--when Christmas break ends, you go back to school and you have more homework.


I don't know what I am doing now.  I hope to be going back to school and working full time as a teacher.  We keep praying for one of my applications to be impressive.  But for the first time in my life, I don't know what I am doing or where the future will lead.  It is hard not being able to plan.  It makes me kind of nervous to grow up...  For my whole life, I wanted to get married and graduate from BYU.  Check and check--but now what?  I keep fighting back the tears--am I ready to have an "adult" job?  It is really beginning to hit me as I realize that today is the last day of 2010.  
What will I be doing next week??  Next month?  Forget trying to plan out next year--that is WAY to far out and we have to make it through January first.


So here is to 2011... 
the year where I have NO idea what I'm doing 
and NO clue what the future holds... :)

1 comment:

Lorelei said...

Oh, I can totally relate, my friend. I used to constantly make 5 year plans for my life, and then God would mess them all up (smiling, of course because He knows better than me). I think that uncertainty is one of the biggest trials to our faith. I love the Hymn "Lead, Kindly Light." It talks about just having enough light to take one step through the darkness. God can give us that much to help us get through. In the meantime, you are in my thoughts and prayers always. :)