Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I can relate...

While watching The Biggest Loser--season 11,
there seems to be a reoccurring theme.
The stories are shared of how being overweight has effected their lives.
Generally, it has been negative.  
They regret decisions and actions.
Some of the players have lived out of shame.
Others out of the fear of being teased.
Most of them are lacking self-esteem.

I can totally relate to contestants.

I remember being teased growing up by my peers.  
They would make up names for me.  
I would try to blow it off like it was no big deal but slowly their comments ate at me.
I remember when I was a young child, 
I would try to walk everywhere with my tummy sucked in.  
I already noticed that I was different and I would try to hide it.
I remember one time making cinnamon rolls with a dear friend as a special treat.  
I was using my fingers to lick up the spilled brown sugar 
and this friend told me it was better to just wash the spilled stuff down the drain 
than to have it go on my hips.
I remember having to always shop in the 
"larger than normal for my age" clothing rack 
and then cutting out tags so no one would ever know.  
(Ok... confession... this was only part of the reason I cut out tags--
the other is because they itched so extremely much!)
I remember wanting so desperately badly to be ultra skinny in high school 
so then I could go on dates with all the boys.
I remember thinking that I would never get married 
because I wasn't beautiful enough.
I remember being a classic example of a yo-yo diet.
I remember this being a way of life 
and feeling like I was stuck to always be fat.

I thought I was done making these memories.

But I was surprised when a new one was created at the school I was subbing at today.
The kids all started laughing/whispering when I was going to sit on a stool.
I overheard them saying to watch because I was going to break the stool/ chair.

It didn't break thank you very much.

But their snickering...
(which was easier to just ignore and get them focused on their assignment... maybe I should have said something but I couldn't even tell which kids were making the comments.  And all of the sudden, I was sitting very cautiously because I was afraid that maybe the kids did know something about the stool/ chair's weak condition)
...brought back so many of the memories from the past.
The feelings, the tears, the uncertainties, the doubts.

But you want to know what...
that is not me anymore.
I truly am so blessed!
I have a wonderful husband who loves me unconditionally.
and who wipes away my tears with constant keep pushing forward support.
I love myself.
I know I am making a difference not just in my life 
but countless others--including ones yet to be born.
I feel the support and love of so many family and friends.

I am changing my life...
one exercise
one healthy food
one choice
...at a time.

9 comments:

Joel and Carly Goodman said...

you are such an inspiration! keep up the good work! you are doing great!

Jocelyn said...

A very well written, moving post. Good job, Lisa!

And I love seeing the progress you've been making, keep it up!

Jonessa said...

Lisa, I am so proud of you!! I wish we lived closer to each other so that we could hook up and get together sometimes. Thanks for keeping those of us that haven't seen you in a while up to date.

Bridget said...

Lisa
you are such a great inspiration! Thanks for being so positive and always seeing the good side of life. I am truly inspired by you! Way to go.

Lisa said...

Thank you each so much for taking the time to comment! It lifts my spirits and your support means everything to me!!! :)

@Carly--thanks for your sweet encouragement!

@Jocelyn--I didn't even know you read my blog! :) It made me smile to see a comment from you!! Thanks for the support! <3

@Jonessa--my pleasure. I love blogging! ;) It still surprises me that others want to read what I write sometimes... hee,hee,hee... Are you guys planning on going to the next mish reunion? Crazy how our lives became connected again!!!

@Bridget--You are just the sweetest. Thanks so much! And honestly, you inspire me too! Can't wait to see you at church again!! :)

Jessica and Trent said...

Lisa, this post was so touching. You are awesome!!! I'm so happy for you and I can just tell that life (for the most part) is so good :) You are for sure making a difference in the lives of others! Keep up the good work :)

Lisa said...

Thanks for all your comments Jessica! :) It makes it seem like we are close together again!

Patrick, Adrienne, & Bella said...

good for you! and you know what, it WILL make such a huge difference in bearing children. my goodness gracious carrying the second baby was SOOOO much harder than the first because i didn't get into any kind of shape before getting pregnant (okay, i wasn't planning on getting pregnant then, but the fact remains haha) and my core was SO weak. it made it so much harder for me to carry her. anyway, soap box done, you'll be grateful! :) and keep it up! :)

Lisa said...

Adrienne--I loved your soap box! :) It is interesting to hear that being in shape actually makes a difference for being pregnant. That is what the doctors say... but what do they know?! ;) ha,ha... j/k... but it is nice to hear an actual testimonial instead of just scientific facts!