While watching The Biggest Loser--season 11,
there seems to be a reoccurring theme.
The stories are shared of how being overweight has effected their lives.
Generally, it has been negative.
They regret decisions and actions.
Some of the players have lived out of shame.
Others out of the fear of being teased.
Most of them are lacking self-esteem.
I can totally relate to contestants.
I remember being teased growing up by my peers.
They would make up names for me.
I would try to blow it off like it was no big deal but slowly their comments ate at me.
I remember when I was a young child,
I would try to walk everywhere with my tummy sucked in.
I already noticed that I was different and I would try to hide it.
I remember one time making cinnamon rolls with a dear friend as a special treat.
I was using my fingers to lick up the spilled brown sugar
and this friend told me it was better to just wash the spilled stuff down the drain
than to have it go on my hips.
I remember having to always shop in the
"larger than normal for my age" clothing rack
and then cutting out tags so no one would ever know.
(Ok... confession... this was only part of the reason I cut out tags--
the other is because they itched so extremely much!)
I remember wanting so desperately badly to be ultra skinny in high school
so then I could go on dates with all the boys.
I remember thinking that I would never get married
because I wasn't beautiful enough.
I remember being a classic example of a yo-yo diet.
I remember this being a way of life
and feeling like I was stuck to always be fat.
I thought I was done making these memories.
But I was surprised when a new one was created at the school I was subbing at today.
The kids all started laughing/whispering when I was going to sit on a stool.
I overheard them saying to watch because I was going to break the stool/ chair.
It didn't break thank you very much.
But their snickering...
(which was easier to just ignore and get them focused on their assignment... maybe I should have said something but I couldn't even tell which kids were making the comments. And all of the sudden, I was sitting very cautiously because I was afraid that maybe the kids did know something about the stool/ chair's weak condition)
...brought back so many of the memories from the past.
The feelings, the tears, the uncertainties, the doubts.
But you want to know what...
that is not me anymore.
I truly am so blessed!
I have a wonderful husband who loves me unconditionally.
and who wipes away my tears with constant keep pushing forward support.
I love myself.
I know I am making a difference not just in my life
but countless others--including ones yet to be born.
I feel the support and love of so many family and friends.
I am changing my life...
one healthy food
...at a time.