It didn't start off super great--at least I thought. I woke up from a terrible dream. I didn't sleep very well because of it. But the sad/ awful/ tension filled dream came as a confirmation to me that I made the right choice. For those of you that follow me on Facebook, Tuesday I was presented with a HUGE choice I had to make. I shared that as my status. And I didn't really even have time to think about it because I had to give my answer the next day. I knew that either way I chose there would be consequences to deal with--some good, some bad.
Well Tuesday night, I was an emotional mess. (That puts it mildly.) I don't think my poor hubby got any homework done because I was so stressed out (including crying) about what to do! He gave me a blessing--seriously LOVE being married to a worthy Priesthood holder!! It didn't really give me any sense of direction but at least helped me calm down and find comfort.
Wednesday while I was subbing (there were TWO student teachers in my room--meaning I really didn't do very much!!), I sat and made a "Roses and Thorns" list. (This is what everyone else calls a pro/ con chart... but isn't Roses and Thorns SO much cuter?! I will make a 3rd column called Leaves if there are things that could go on both sides of the list. Sometimes my Leaves are also unknowns.) I tried to list everything I could think of for both sides--just to be fair. But the Thorn list continued to grow longer and my Leaf list was being plagued by several unknowns. I was still trying to find more Roses because I was determined I was going to do this.
The whole day as school I was anxious and stressed. (Fortunately, I don't think it was too obvious to anyone else.) I was pretty set to go forward with my decision but didn't feel like I was getting anywhere when I would pray about it. I continued to feel fears and nerves and uncertainties but I was going to push through. I am strong! I can do anything I put my mind to. I would just have to get over all of my anxieties. I was going to figure out how to find my Roses and somehow I was just so sure that I could make it work.
After subbing ended for the day, I started making phone calls to investigate my Leaves in hopes of getting answers. Well the answers came and basically moved all of the Leaf column over to the Thorns. At this point, I realized that maybe I should change my decision. I didn't understand why. But as I was driving home, I finally began to feel at peace again. I could feel a smile creeping through my lips--something I hadn't felt for probably a day.
When I got home on Wednesday, I bounced through the door into my husband's arms. (Sidenote: seriously my *favorite* part of the entire day is that first bear hug and kiss after we have been apart!!!) I told him about all the phone calls I had made and how my Thorns list was continually growing. I informed him that I had changed my mind and was going to decline the choice. I knelt down to pray about my new decision and was instantly filled with peace and felt so warm. I was so grateful to know I finally figured out what the right answer was and to get a definite answer to my prayer. I quickly got up from my knees to make one more phone call. Saying "No" to someone is so hard for me. I feel like I always have to say yes. But during that phone call, I did it, I said no.
As soon as I hung up, I felt like I was glowing again. I knew I had made the right choice. I really did find my rose, even though it wasn't the one I originally expected.
So back to my dream last night. It was complete confirmation that I had made the right choice. I didn't see that when I woke up because I had gotten into a car crash at the beginning of the dream and by the time it ended, I had someone spit in my face--twice. But as I thought about it, the dream was kind of what might have happened if I said yes type of a deal. (wow... that was a long sentence!) I realized how grateful I am that I won't ever be in the situation where I might have gotten into that car crash or have that person spit in my face.
And so my day continued to keep getting better and better until the students I was teaching today were probably wondering why I was grinning. I'm so thankful I picked the right Rose!
|The picture is from Culture Grrl|
NO IDEA what that blog is about or the article or anything!!! I do not support or endorse it.
I didn't read it, I just loved the picture! :)