It seems that no matter what situation I'm faced with, I always have two choices. I can choose to be a builder or a wrecker. I have been chewing on this idea for awhile and as much a I would love to say, "I'm always a builder!" I'm not. Unfortunately, I do my share of wrecking from time to time.
Let me explain this idea of building and wrecking through some examples I have recently faced.
Winco has some killer sales going on right now! We are talking prices too good to pass up type of a deal! :) Well Casey would prefer that I go shopping without him but I love being together. I convince him to be my companion and so we brave the beyond busy store together. Once we return home, I was quickly distracted by something else and left the ground beef on the counter. Casey discovered it and put some away in the fridge and put some in the freezer. Earlier, I had told him that I wanted to cook all of the ground beef and then freeze it in Ziploc bags. (Tip for easier/ faster dinners! If the meat is precooked, it makes things so much easier when faced with having to throw something together a few minutes before your spouse arrives home from work. I can already see that precooking the meat will be a huge lifesaver when my arms are already full with Baby Bunny and I'm still trying to pull something together for dinner!) I later go to cook all the ground beef and realize that half of it is missing, only to find it stuffed in the freezer.
I have two choices. I can choose to be a wrecker and get upset and chew Casey out. I mean, I am totally justified because he knew I was planning on cooking it all right away and he was obviously trying to make my life more difficult. By taking my frustration out on him, I become his wrecker. The chances of me convincing him to go shopping with me again or help put groceries away in the future are slim. And who can blame him for not wanting to help or be with me at the store if I'm just going to tear him down. I wouldn't want to be with me either if I was a wrecker.
My second choice is to take a deep breath (and maybe count to 10) and realize that Casey was not purposefully trying to make my life more difficult. I know this because he loves me and he wants what is best for me. He cares about me and our family. Even though the prices at Winco are cheap, it still has a price to be paid. We are on a tight budget! I'm sure his intention was to not let the meat we just bought go bad on the counter and the fridge was already packed so the freezer was the only option for some of the meat. And so I can choose to be a builder. I can thank him for taking the time to go to the store with me and tell him how grateful I am that he remembered to put away the groceries. Because of his love language, one of the best ways for me to be his builder is to give him a big hug and kiss as I explain how much it means to me that he took the time to be so helpful.
I can choose to build him up instead of wreck him down.
Another example. Casey recently changed the toilet paper. He put it on the wrong way. (Yes, I totally believe that the toilet paper has a right and wrong way!!) I can wreck him by complaining about him doing it wrong or I can build by appreciating that he took the time to change it. The more I become a builder, the more Casey is willing to help me with the little things in the future.
Think about the laundry and how to load a dishwasher and who does what chores and how to decorate/ arrange a nursery and etc. It seems almost every situation in marriage is either an opportunity to be a builder or the chance to be a wrecker. Fortunately, if I happen to choose to be a wrecker, I can always apologize and then refocus on how to build.
I'm working each day to be a builder. Are you?